I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
