Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
