Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
