I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
