If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I just put wine in my tea
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
