I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
