She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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