yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
