Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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