I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
