Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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