it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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