my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
operation harelip BJ is a go
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i came on her dog
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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