My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
