Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
