Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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