i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
