You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
