I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
