Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
