we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
BRING THE BAGELS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
