ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
