I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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