dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
