Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize