i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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