maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
tell me about the eggs
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