You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize