dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
