Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
