hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was confusing and full of hummus
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
