I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is the high leading the old right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
