do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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