i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
