Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
