Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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