And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
