I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
