is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
