then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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