Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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