If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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