were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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