he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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