I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
