How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
