new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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