So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come back. Shots need mouths.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
