I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
