the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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