happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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