I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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