Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
