Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
