I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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