My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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