my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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