i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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