You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
