If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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