hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
