no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
