I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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