Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
