Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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