I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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