Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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